The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
