paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
