did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
