Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Your cock deserves a montage
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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