just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
