my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
