dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
