I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
