I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
