put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
