I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
