not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
