The maid of honor just puked.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
