just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize