And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
