is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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