You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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