im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
