I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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