Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
