I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize