I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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