that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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