Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Couch. On fire.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize