I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we're making bets on your personal life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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