I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
