Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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