i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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