bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
