just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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