sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
