he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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