I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
