She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
