Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
