When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
