After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
