So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
