I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
