Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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