The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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