it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
