Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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