So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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