pop tarts are not kleenex
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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