the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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