alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
