she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
