I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
