either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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