i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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