me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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