the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
