Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
