Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
