I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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