4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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