walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
