pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
