I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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