I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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