trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
