How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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