I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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