In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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