that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
