If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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