no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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