clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
