let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
