butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
