Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
