he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize