you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
