Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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