Don't you send me to vm
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
