I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
