glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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