I wish my penis had an off switch
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
