My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
