please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
