i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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